Photography: Jill Collier Photography
"You will never understand just how much I love you until you have a child of your own."
I can't even count how many times I remember my own mother saying that to me growing up. She would say it when we fought, when we laughed, when we cried, she would say it all of the time.
Now that I do have a baby all my own I understand what she meant and why she said those words to me.
I understand the love it takes to sacrifice so many of your own needs so that your baby can be taken care of. I know the feeling of having your heart physically hurt when your baby hurts. I know just how your heart beams with pride watching your baby learn and grow. I know the feeling of having tears well up in your eyes when your baby is asleep in your arms. I know just how very much my mother loves me and has loved me all of these years, because now I have those same undeniable feelings for Hudson.
Being a mother is hard in a lot of ways. There are days where my eyes are so heavy and my heart even heavier. Those days are few and in between are filled with days of magic, of smiles, giggles, cuddles and so much joy! I can wish the sleepless nights away or simply realize that there is not a restful night of sleep anywhere in my near future. I know that even now my own mom loses sleep worrying about us kids. So instead I want to cherish every sweet moment I have with him in my arms knowing I would rather lose sleep holding him and snuggling him than lose sleep for reasons that my mom has. I know those nights will come where I will be up worrying if he is safe, wondering why he isn't home for curfew, or knowing he is facing a trial and praying hard for help. The future of being H's mama can be daunting but I know that because of this unconditional love that I have inside my heart for him it will all be worth it.
I still have so much to learn and there will be so many more experiences where I think to myself "My mom was right. I never knew how much she loves me until now." There will be so so many more times where I call her and thank her for her sacrifices as I continue to do the same for my own child. Being a mama is a continual growing experience. One that I will be eternally thankful for.
I love being a mother. I love being HUDSON'S mama. I could not ask for a better calling in life and no words can begin to express the gratitude and joy I feel that I have been blessed with his sweet soul.
Happy Mother's Day coming up, to ALL women out there. Whether you have a sweet child to hold in your arms or not, you are special and you are loved and appreciated by so many!