I am writing this as Hudson sleeps beside me. I love to hear his soft breathing in and out mixed with little grunts here and there. Oh little boy you have my heart.
It is so hard to believe that only four weeks ago he took his very first breath.
Anyways, where did we leave off….
… We took the long walk down the hallway and into the operating room. It all felt so surreal. Was this really happening? Were we really about to meet our son? I felt like I could hardly breathe and all I can really remember is Kevin telling me that I could do this and to just keep looking at him.
Everyone in the room was so kind and caring as they prepped me and got me ready to welcome our baby into our arms.
I had no idea what to expect over the next hour and once I had gotten my spinal tap I knew it was going to be different than I had even tried to imagine. I could not move or feel anything from my chest down. It was the most bizarre feeling ever. I laid on the operating table and glanced over Kevin's shoulder and saw a mirror with my reflection in it… I told Kev that that mirror was making me feel super uncomfortable and then before I knew it they had put the tarp up and the mirror was covered. Phew thank goodness. I felt so relieved. That is until I looked up for one split second only to see my reflection in the overhead light. I saw them cutting me open and then all the sudden I was sent into a straight panic attack. I remember thinking "I cannot do this, I cannot do this!!!" Tears started falling down my cheeks and then I heard Kevin say "Just look at me, don't look anywhere else, just look at me." At that same moment our anesthesiologist told me to just breathe and that she was going to give me something to calm me down. Instantly I felt calm and confident that everything was going to be ok.
Then we heard our Doctor say "Okay we are going to have a baby here in the next minute." My heart skipped a beat as I felt so much pressure and a huge tug on my stomach. Then Hudson took his first breath and we heard a deep little cry. He was here! Our baby boy was finally here!
The nurses quickly cleaned him off and checked him as needed. He was right beside us the entire time and I could see his perfect little body squirm and hear his louder and louder cries. Oh how I wanted to hold my baby. Before I knew it he was all wrapped up and they handed him to Kevin and he brought him over to me. I will never forget what happened next.
Hudson was crying and crying and it was hurting my poor mama heart. As soon as Kevin put him up to my face, I gave him a quick kiss, Kevin and I started talking and he instantly stopped crying. He knew us! And it was so apparent that we already knew him. Our little family of three was finally together and nothing else mattered.
They took us all back to recovery where I finally got to hold my sweet little boy. He was placed on my chest where I finally felt completely reunited with this baby of mine. As he lay on my skin I realized how special this moment was and that even though it didn't all go as planned that this moment was never going to be taken away from me. He was safe and he was in my loving arms.
Welcome to the world Hudson Cooper Hiatt we adore you more than words can say and I will never forget the day that I finally met you baby boy. You are so loved.