**I interrupt LBD week to talk about something important and special to my heart.
I sit here in my quiet dark room with a candle flickering beside me as I attempt to write this post. In the passed I have really tried to mask all my emotions and flood them over with chaos and anything to drown them away. Hoping to avoid the feelings of sadness and overwhelming depression. However, that never helped much and more recently I have learned that to overcome such feelings it is best to just sit and be. Sit and listen and feel every emotion that your soul needs to feel. That can real be a scary thing though.
In one way or another we have all felt loss. Some greater than others. And can I just put it out there that time certainly does not heal all wounds. Over time wounds become smaller and eventually they turn into scars but those wounds never completely heal. The days get easier as they go on, but you are left forever walking with a piece of your heart missing. The loved ones you lose can never be replaced. Especially with time.
Along with learning to embrace all emotions that come with loss. I have learned to especially embrace the days that I know will be hard. Today my family remembers the loss of a special little soul. Along with that, we remember the emotions we felt through the hardest year of our lives combined.
We remember crying together, holding each other, being mad at each other because we were all just really mad at life. It's really impossible to know how to deal with loss. How to grieve it and how to come away from it a greater person instead of letting it overcome you. At times letting it overcome you can seem so much easier. Letting it swallow you up whole, because you really just can't imagine ever smiling again…let alone be happy again.
Then that day comes where you really laugh. A true kind of laugh that really takes you by surprise. You feel guilty for a moment and then realize that maybe it's actually ok. That it could be a good thing and that wound starts to close oh just a teeny tiny bit.
But today is a hard day. One that hits you in the gut and it makes four years feel like yesterday. Makes all the emotions come rushing back over you. Yet, somehow, it's possible to feel peace and anguish all at the same time.
How lucky I am to have the family I have. How lucky we are to have each other. How lucky I am to have people that are such strong and great examples. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
Today is a hard day but we will celebrate it like we celebrate it every year. Because, eternity sure is a blessing. Tomorrow we will still remember and we will smile again.